With Christmas in the rearview, Central Otago teenagers are now turning their sights towards New Years celebrations.An army of Red Frogs volunteers are assembling, prepped and ready to be a positive peer presence for thousands of young people in holiday hotspots across New Zealand - including some close to home here in Central.New Years is an exciting time full of possibility and can often be a young person's first experience of heading away with friends - and also drinking. With this comes risk so Red Frogs have put together some handy tips to help young people as they prepare to head away tocelebrate.This New Years season, Red Frogs can be found providing support in four locations - Queenstown, Wanaka, Kaiteriteri and Nelson. Red Frogs will be running safe chill out zones, cooking pancakes, handing out water and Red Frog lollies, while providing care and comfort to those who may find themselves a little worse for wear.Red Frogs Top 10 Tips for New Years:Never leave a mate behind! Always stay in groups of two or more and stay in well-lit areas.Never leave your drink unattended and never accept drinks from others.Ask 'R U Okay' every day. The end of the year can be an emotionally stressful time, so make sure you are checking in with your friends every day.Charge your phone. Have a plan for if you get separated from your friends and you are unable to contact them.Drink plenty of water and eat healthy meals.Know your boundaries and stick to them - don’t become somebody you’re not.Check-in with your parents throughout the week.Be careful what you post on social media. Once a photo is out there, it’s out there forever.Respect accommodation providers and their rules.Call 111 in an emergency.

Just like humans, your pets can get carsick or anxious about going on the road to the point they won't want to return to the car again. But there are some tips and tricks to keep in mind to keep them calm and your car ride smooth and vomit-free.For dogs, carsick symptoms may display as pacing, excessive drooling, smacking or licking of their lips, lethargy or vomiting and defecation. Cats can display similar symptoms with vomiting, defecation, feigning sleep or being lethargic and can be quite vocal.SPCA scientific officer Dr Alison Vaughan says generally, there are two reasons why your cat or dog might be carsick - motion sickness or anxiety from negative associations of the crate and car, and usually it's a combination of both."We know, for example, a lot of kittens don't get a lot of positive exposures to going in the cat carrier or to going in the car, that usually those things happen for cats when they're going somewhere they don't want to like the vets."Brachycephalic or shorter-nosed and flat-faced breeds of cats (such as Persian, British shorthairs, and Scottish fold) and dogs (bulldogs, pugs, and boxers) can also be more susceptible to heat exhaustion, which adds to the anxiety of car trips if they've experienced that, she says.Animal behaviourist Mark Vette says pet carsickness is a common problem, but it is treatable, and he's helped hundreds of cats and dogs overcome this problem.Animal behaviourist, trainer, educator and author Mark Vette. Photo: SuppliedHow do I get my pet used to car rides?If the carsickness is due to anxiety, it's important to break down travel into smaller increments and take them to fun places - like the beach or park for dogs - to create a positive association, Vette says."When they're anxious, they're out of learning state … they're in flight or fight, in sympathetic arousal, adrenaline's pumping."So a big part of it, from a behaviourist's point of view, is we're trying to switch them into a non-anxious state and then expose them systematically from easy to difficult [car trips]."Try "clicker training" to get your pet into the car while it's not moving to change how they feel about it. Gradually add another element like turning the engine on and off, then begin taking short trips around the block, Vette says."When I'm doing a short distance travel, I get someone sitting beside them to click and reward them and just keep their mind off the travel and on the food and focused on learning. And then I just systematically expose them."When you're in early training, they [dogs] should get out regularly, every half an hour maybe, up to an hour … Then you can stretch to an hour and then you can make it a couple hours."\Make sure your cat has enough space in its carrier for long trips, Dr Alison Vaughan says. (file image) Photo: 123RFTravel conditioning your pet is easier when they're in their formative years because that's when they are still developing their vestibular system (the sensory system that helps them balance) and in learning mode, Vette says.Pets develop a bond not only with their owner but the site too, so if you can make their carrier a place for them to sleep at home, they can get used to it as safe place, he says."Most cats are very territorial and don't like to move out of their territory, and so you've got that added anxiety straight away."I make the crate into a bed site as well. I set it up high, I cover it over, I take the door off or open the door, and I set it up so they can jump on that crate and sleep in it and feed in it and get used to it. I want them to love their crate. Similarly, with a dog we do the same."Dr Vaughan likes to spray down a light towel with some pheromone spray, which is said to mimic chemicals released naturally by dogs and cats that act as invisible communication, and cover her cat's carrier to help reduce any anxiety.What can I do during the road trip for my pet?SPCA scientific officer Dr Alison Vaughan. Photo: Supplied / SPCAChat to your vet, they may be able to offer medication that will reduce symptoms of anxiety and motion sickness, Dr Vaughan says.You can also give dogs chew toys or supply cats with a piece of their bedding that might have a smell that comforts them, Vette says."I tend to make sure that the animal is oriented forward and it's better if they can see things in the distance ahead of them, when they travel, than if you orient them sideways or backwards."As a general rule, don't feed your pet two hours before travel, except if you are travel training them with a small amount of food rewards, he says.Dr Vaughan says regular breaks are handy so pets can stretch and relieve themselves. But for cats, getting out whilst on a road trip may not be possible, so making sure they have enough space in their carrier is important.Additionally, seek your vet's opinion for advice concerning your pet's individual needs.

As summer approaches, thousands of teenagers are preparing to descend on holiday locations across the country for Christmas and New Years festivities.For many, it will be their first time away with friends without parental supervision.  While these young people are crossing off each day on their calendar with excitement, anxious and nervous parents are coming to terms with sending their child away for the end-of-year celebration.Volunteer organisation Red Frogs is helping to safeguard a generation of young people at festivals, concerts, university/polytechnic campuses, high school afterballs, sporting matches and New Years locations.The Red Frogs tips for parents to encouraging safe celebrations: Have open conversations; talk to your teen about New Years’ and their plans. Be a listening ear and share in their excitement as they prepare to head away.Stock your teen with a heap of pre-made meals. This will make sure they’re having something nutritious that will support their wellbeing throughout the week.Don’t provide your teen with any alcohol. Research has shown that providing young people with alcohol means they are more likely to drink harmfully in their late teens and adult life.Teach them to drink safely. If your teen is over 18, encourage them to buy light beer, not full strength. As this may be the first time your 18 year old is drinking alcohol, it’s important to communicate its effects so they can make responsible decisionsHelp keep them hydrated. Stock them with slabs of water. Watermelon and electrolyte drinks are helpful too.Arrange some check-in times. Keep communication channels open so your teen knows you are there for them.Remind them to always stay with their friends.Encourage them to call 111 in emergency situations, the official services are here to help. It can be scary for your teen to call emergency services but let them know that first responders have their best interest at heart. Tell your teen to visit Red Frogs at holiday hotspots Queenstown, Wanaka, Kaiteriteri and Nelson, and summer festivals across the country. In their Red Frogs shirts, the crews will be on hand with water, pancakes and a positive peer presence.Read more: Red Frogs in running for national awardRead more: Fireworks, open-air fires banned in CentralHave a story to share?Contact [email protected]

As summer approaches, thousands of teenagers are preparing to descend on holiday locations across the country for Christmas and New Years festivities.For many, it will be their first time away with friends without parental supervision.  While these young people are crossing off each day on their calendar with excitement, anxious and nervous parents are coming to terms with sending their child away for the end-of-year celebration.Volunteer organisation Red Frogs is helping to safeguard a generation of young people at festivals, concerts, university/polytechnic campuses, high school afterballs, sporting matches and New Years locations.The Red Frogs tips for parents to encouraging safe celebrations: Have open conversations; talk to your teen about New Years’ and their plans. Be a listening ear and share in their excitement as they prepare to head away.Stock your teen with a heap of pre-made meals. This will make sure they’re having something nutritious that will support their wellbeing throughout the week.Don’t provide your teen with any alcohol. Research has shown that providing young people with alcohol means they are more likely to drink harmfully in their late teens and adult life.Teach them to drink safely. If your teen is over 18, encourage them to buy light beer, not full strength. As this may be the first time your 18 year old is drinking alcohol, it’s important to communicate its effects so they can make responsible decisionsHelp keep them hydrated. Stock them with slabs of water. Watermelon and electrolyte drinks are helpful too.Arrange some check-in times. Keep communication channels open so your teen knows you are there for them.Remind them to always stay with their friends.Encourage them to call 111 in emergency situations, the official services are here to help. It can be scary for your teen to call emergency services but let them know that first responders have their best interest at heart. Tell your teen to visit Red Frogs at holiday hotspots Queenstown, Wanaka, Kaiteriteri and Nelson, and summer festivals across the country. In their Red Frogs shirts, the crews will be on hand with water, pancakes and a positive peer presence.Read more: Red Frogs in running for national awardRead more: Fireworks, open-air fires banned in CentralHave a story to share?Contact [email protected]

An Alexandra health coach is encouraging locals to join a new walking group called ‘Scrambled Legs’. Health coach Hiwaiterangi said it's less about exercise and more about connecting to the environment as the walks will be along the river.“Young mums, those with diabetes or long term health conditions, or with a low mood… it's open to anyone who wants to connect.”The group meets in HealthCentral’s car park on Thursday mornings at 10am. The purpose is to enjoy a gentle walk and meet new friends.At the end of each walk there will be a morning tea and a guest speaker such as a specialist nurse or a pharmacist.The first walk is Thursday February 2.  For more information contact Hiwaiterangi on 027 218 8496.Walking is the most popular sport and recreation activity among New Zealand adults. Research proves regular walking can help to reduce the risk of certain health-related conditions, such as obesity, type two diabetes, heart disease, stroke and certain cancers.For more walks see The Central App’s Cycling|Walking section.  

A new campaign in Central is making more people aware of the free mental health and wellbeing support available in many general practices.WellSouth’s access and choice (Tōku Oranga) programme is a primary mental health and well-being service based in general practices in the Southern region. It is part of a national initiative to make it faster and easier to access care for mental health concerns – including stress and sleep issues, alcohol and drug use, or mild anxiety and depression. To further promote the service, the access and choice (Tōku Oranga) team are distributing posters community-wide, in places such as supermarkets, hairdressers, dairies and sports centres. Health improvement practitioner access and choice lead Genevieve Obbeek said the service is well-promoted in medical centres and most people are accessing the service after seeing their general practitioner (GP) or nurse. The campaign is to remind people that appointments are available without a referral, and sometimes the service can even be accessed on the same day. “We are hoping to make this free service even more accessible to patients enrolled at participating practices by raising awareness within the wider community that we are here and looking forward to meeting anyone who would like support for their mental health and wellbeing.”  Tōku Oranga is not counselling but rather help to manage your health, by talking over issues, working through blocks, and developing goals. Patients leave an appointment with a plan to make change. Teams are comprised of health improvement practitioners (HIPs), health coaches and community support workers who can provide different levels of support. The programme started in Otago and Southland in August 2020 with six health improvement practitioners and has grown to more than 70 staff working in 35 general practices. HIP Courtney McLennan said support is for anyone enrolled at a participating practice with anything that’s keeping them stuck, to help them to make positive steps forward to live a meaningful life. “We are designed to be different and in doing so we can better support people as soon as they ask for help,” Courtney said.  “We are aiming to normalise seeking support for any area of life and health and have hope our communities will have access to support much sooner.“If a patient requires further support beyond the appointment, they can be seen again and referred on to another service where appropriate.” In Central the programme is running at HealthCentral, Alexandra Family Medical and Junction Health. The Tōku Oranga programme is supported by WellSouth Primary Health Network alongside, Active Southland, Corstophine Baptist Community Trust, Arai Te Uru Whare Hauora, Pact, Nga Kete Matauranga Pounamu, Sport Otago, Te Hau o Te Ora, Partnered Primary Care Services. Find more on the programme here.

Plastic Free July is a global movement aimed at raising awareness of the number of single-use plastic items that are part of everyday life.Every July participants commit to cutting back on single-use plastic, in turn learning new skills that help reduce their waste throughout the whole year. With local educational events coming up at the end of the month, it’s not too late to join in.Plastic Free July 2022 is going to go down in my history book and that is not a bad thing.For me, this year I’m making a conscious effort to think twice at the supermarket.It will also be the year I learn how to make a range of cleaning products.I will be attending the upcoming Wastebusters Chemical Free Cleaning Product Workshop on July 24 to see just how easy and effective it is.As a result, I’m hoping my consumption of unnecessary plastic bottles full of chemical sprays, multipurpose cleaners and detergents will be a thing of the past.Instead, I will buy bulk ingredients, like vinegar and baking soda in reusable containers to make my own products.It’s a challenge I’m looking forward to taking on and once I’ve nailed it I’ll probably think “why have I not done this sooner”?But, that is the thing about Plastic Free July - trying new things, embracing them and sharing those ideas with others.The workshop, led by Shona Bain, will be a turning point in my Plastic Free July journey I hope. There are just a couple of tickets left if you want to join us.Shona runs classes in the community for Central Otago REAP. Her aim is to educate people to help them reduce, recycle and revamp plastic from their lives.Less plastic lining the shelves at home can only be a good thing, and in a world where we are all leading busy lives, simple solutions are an absolute bonus.Plastic Free July eventsCleaning Product WorkshopJuly 24, Central Otago Netball pavilion, 1pm-3pm, spaces limited, register via Wastebusters Alexandra Facebook pageFor the Blue screening and panel discussionQueenstown, Dorothy Browns, Wednesday July 27, 7pm-9pmWānaka, Cinema Paradiso, Friday, July 29, 7pm-9pmTickets $15, available at wastebusters.co.nzFor the Blue screeningAlexandra, Central Cinema, Friday July 29, 5.30pmTickets, free, limited to 40, email: [email protected]

Like many people, I’m on a mission to support Plastic Free July.The aim of the global campaign is to make small changes, even just one, whether that be taking a reusable cup for your takeaway coffees, or avoiding cling film by using beeswax wraps instead.Having a go at Plastic Free July wakes you up to how dependent we are on single use plastic.There are a range of alternatives people swap out to avoid plastic, like yoghurt and smoothies in glass jars instead of plastic. I mean, when did you last buy meat from the supermarket that wasn’t placed on a tray and covered in cling film?Blocks of cheese commonly come in vacuum packed plastic sleeves, and don’t even get me started on toothpaste.So, throughout July I’m making it my mission to swap some of my grocery items for plastic free alternatives whenever there is an opportunity. This week I’ve managed to swap my usual plastic pottle of yoghurt for a coconut-based brand, which comes in a glass jar. I’m curious to know how it tastes because being coconut based could be the deal breaker, but we will see.  Nothing beats a new discovery that is good for the environment, like toilet paper that is not wrapped in plastic. New World stocks at least two brands of the product, including this one by Earth SmartI’m prepared to give it a go. That is what the month-long campaign is all about - trying new things, seeing if they suit you and, if so, turning them into a new habit.Another discovery I made this week was family size packs of toilet paper wrapped in paper, not plastic.I’m taking that as one of my top swaps as I navigate my way through Plastic Free July.Wastebusters also has a range of events coming up to celebrate ways we can live with less plastic. Wastebusters top swap inspirationReusable coffee cupReusable drink bottleShampoo barBeeswax wrapsProduce bagsReusable containersCloth nappiesOn July 24, from 1pm-3pm, there is a chemical free, waste free cleaning product workshop at the Central Otago Netball Pavilion. Email me at [email protected] to register, or sign up in store.

As the saying goes “practice makes perfect” and this Plastic Free July is no exception.At the start of the month I made a vow to reduce plastic at the checkout and although there’s still room for improvement, I have made some awesome changes.I’ve been making a conscious effort to switch some things out, particularly in the cleaning product aisle.A Chemical Free Cleaning Product Workshop, hosted by Wastebusters Alexandra on Sunday, July 24, proved just how easy it is to make many of those products at home.Twelve people attended the workshop, led by tutors Shona Bain and Zuleyha Bingul who provided some simple recipes.Shona runs classes in the community for Central Otago Reap. Her aim is to educate people to help them reduce, recycle and revamp plastic from their lives.Volunteer Zuleyha also came on board to support sustainable living and share one of the recipes she uses at home.We started with colourful bath bombs, which set the tone for a fun afternoon.While our bath bombs dried we moved onto a multi-purpose cleaner and baby wipes.Each product took just minutes to whip up, and that was while we chatted about other recipes and ideas.Before we knew it, we had three products to take home, along with the recipes so we could recreate them.The workshop has given me the drive to continue on my mission to reduce plastic at the check out, and I’m confident that it won’t be long before my “conscious effort” will become habit.Plastic Free July eventsFor the Blue screeningWānaka, Cinema Paradiso, Friday, July 29, 7pm-9pmTickets $15, available at wastebusters.co.nzAlexandra, Central Cinema, Friday, July 29, 5.30pmTickets, free, but limited, available by emailing [email protected]

Plastic Free July is over for another year, a campaign that was full of successes - big and small. Strangely, it feels like my work in this space has just begun because there is so much more I could do, like taking my own container to the supermarket deli, or finding a shampoo bar that works for me.But, like everyone out there who made a conscious effort to use plastic free alternatives throughout the month, I’m already one step ahead, maybe even two or three.The aim is to keep going, to try new things and embrace the lessons we’ve learned along the way.No lesson could have been harsher than the one I got while watching For the Blue, a film by young New Zealanders about protecting the ocean from plastic.Central Otago District Council and Wastebusters brought the movie to the big screen in Alexandra on Friday night (July 29), in support of Plastic Free July.Guilt washed over me as I watched scenes where beaches around the world were choked with plastic. Among the rubbish was New Zealand made food packaging, some of which implied they were good for the planet.The scenes were not staged. The young film-makers were aware of the problem, but instead of sitting by doing nothing, they went in search of the worst hit areas to see it for themselves.Some of the film-makers were so consumed by what they saw, they broke down at times, unsure of how their story would make a difference.I can confirm, it has.I, for one, will be making a bigger effort than I’ve ever made.In the past, it would be fair to say I’ve worked hard to “reduce” plastic, opting for an alternative if there is one, but not depriving myself of my favourite food on occasion just because it comes in plastic.However, scenes of plastic covered beaches where not a grain of sand could be seen, means I’ll now be trying my best to “refuse” plastic.It’s a difficult balance because, as I view the world, we’ve become conditioned to accept single use plastic as a way of life.We swipe our plastic eftpos card to pay for the milk in a plastic bottle, yoghurt in plastic pottles, snacks and frozen vegetables in plastic bags and meat on plastic trays.On a positive note, as explored in the movie, there are some New Zealand companies doing some great work, including Ethique, which produces beauty bars in plastic free packaging and Icebreaker, which specialises in 100 per cent natural wool with no synthetic plastic fibres added.I realise I won’t be able to “refuse” every piece of single-use plastic from my life, as so many of our systems depend on plastic.But, by supporting companies who are innovating to create plastic-free products and food (and coffee!) distribution systems, I plan to use my dollars to support the change I want to see. We might be small, but Aotearoa is making a big impact as we lead the way to a brighter future one step at a time.

It’s 12 months away yet but it is coming: From July next year organic waste will be collected kerbside in Central Otago and processed into compost.Food waste is currently trucked to Queenstown Lakes District Council’s (QLDC) refuse site at Victoria Flats in the Gibbston Valley, which is proving costly.Last week Central Otago District Council (CODC) contracted EnviroWaste who are expected to deliver more sustainable and efficient waste management services to the district from July next year. This includes the introduction of a new organic kerbside waste collection.According to a CODC statement, services will include transfer station operation, kerbside collections, glass crushing plant operation, organics facility operation, and the servicing of drop-off containers for rural recycling and waste.CODC says the new contract is a significant step forward for Central Otago’s commitment to sustainable waste management, and will see approximately 1,400 tonnes of waste that was otherwise destined for landfill converted into compost. EnviroWaste will be responsible for collecting the district’s organic waste, processing it into compost using aerated static pile composting technology, then supplying it to ‘local end’ markets. The compost will also be available to be used by council’s parks and reserves team, and in small quantities for local, domestic purchase.“We will also receive benefits in cost efficiencies, new technology, capital investment into the re-development of the Cromwell Transfer Station, and enhanced sustainability practices,” CODC infrastructure manager, Quinton Penniall said.The Redruth Resource Recovery Park in Timaru would be used for organics processing temporarily until a new organics processing facility can be constructed in Central Otago.The council is also in talks with the QLDC, as a potential user of the new organics processing facility.Further waste reduction initiatives are being explored through direct negotiations with Wastebusters on the full functionality of the Alexandra Resource Recovery Park.The negotiations involve the range of divertible materials that can be received in the future and the potential implementation of a similar facility in Cromwell.Central Otago District Waste Portfolio Lead, Nigel McKinlayCODC waste portfolio lead Nigel McKinlay said he was excited to see the district make such an important move towards reducing waste.“Diverting waste from landfill brings us one step closer towards achieving our long-term sustainability goals and this will benefit not just our current population, but future generations.”CODC was forced to sell carbon credits from its publicly-owned pine forests recently, to avoid a waste bill budget blow-out relating to use of the Victoria Flats facility.  QLDC works out how much refuse comes from Central and charges CODC for the Emissions Trading Scheme (ETS) units that must be purchased from the government to off-set the associated emissions from the site. The unit price had been jumping up despite government attempts to temper increases.

Tomorrow marks the start of Dry July, when many Kiwis give up alcohol for the month to raise money for people affected by cancer.The Central Otago Drugs and Alcohol coalition (CODA) of local organisations is calling on people to reduce their alcohol consumption in our region and take positive action again this year.Cancer Society Central Otago & Lakes health promoter Jamie Seymour said there are lots of great alcohol free drink options and other ways to have fun in a healthy way. Figures for Central around alcohol harm make sobering reading. Southern District Health Board (SDHB) figures for Central show hospitalisations wholly attributable to alcohol have been increasing for the past ten years in Central.This graph above gives the actual occurrence of hospitalisations in Central. PHOTO: SDHB Hospitalisation rates for Central compared with all of New Zealand (using age standardised rates). PHOTO: SDHBAlcohol-related motor vehicle crashes for Central are slightly higher than average of all of New Zealand and serious injury from alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes for Central is significantly higher than average.According to Ministry of Transport statistics, of all fatal crashes, 32 per cent are open road crashes with alcohol/drugs as a contributing factor. A further 12 per cent are urban crashes involving alcohol/drugs. Overall alcohol/drugs were a contributing factor in 43 per cent of urban fatal crashes and 45 per cent of open road fatal crashes (figures from 2018-2020).If you’re a teetotaller for July, you’ll minimise your risk behind the wheel and become one of the 54,000 Kiwis who have participated in Dry July so far. Since the first year of Dry July, $7.8M has been raised. The funds raised by this year’s participants will help Look Good Feel Better NZ, PINC & STEEL NZ and Prostate Cancer Foundation of New Zealand improve the comfort, care and wellbeing of people affected by cancer.For Central’s rangatahi, research shows drinking alcohol can affect brain development as well as increasing chances of injury, assault and risky sexual behaviour. Parents can get tips and strategies on keeping teens safe on the No Safe Limit website  or on Amohia Te Waiora here. Need help with your drinking?Call the Alcohol Drug Helpline on 0800 787 797, visit the website, or free text 8681.Are you going dry this July? Share your experience with other readers by emailing: [email protected]

This week’s question is about arguments - Are arguments good or bad? Should you avoid them or have it out?Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities.Do you ever have arguments where the end result isn’t what you want? Rebecca says arguments can indeed become damaging. The important thing is to recognise when it’s important to say your piece, but to say it in a way that gets a good result.By the way, the skills you should practice when you have a difference of opinion with your partner, parent, child, or friend, will help you with negotiation or conflict resolution in any scenario.“It is healthy to argue,” Rebecca says, “but there is a good way to argue.”“One of the keys is to make it about now.”We can have a tendency, she says, to drag in ‘You always do this’, ‘You never do that’, ‘What about the time you did this?’. To work towards a positive outcome, you need to be specific. What is the issue we are dealing with now, and how do we manage that?“The other thing with good communication in partnerships is to focus on your own behaviour or your own feelings.“We often talk about ‘I’ statements, saying, ‘When you do that, it makes me feel like this.’ ‘This is what I need from you’.“It lets the other person know the impact of their behaviour, but in a non-blaming way.”It’s all about stating what they did, it’s not saying they purposely did it, but this is the actual impact it had, Rebecca explains.“It works well, whether it’s in work teams, friendships, partnerships, relationships with children, parents, anything really.”Rebecca says it’s okay to have rocky times in any relationship.“This is about remembering that relationships are hard.“You are two different people coming together with different backgrounds, different ideas, different stresses, different needs.“To have difficult times and to feel angry, or feel sad, or feel disappointed, or feel frustrated or hurt is all part of a normal relationship.“It’s more about how we navigate that.”Image Unsplash 

Why is it so hard to say ‘I’m sorry’? What are the mental barriers that make it so hard to admit when we’ve done something wrong?Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities.Saying sorry is one of the first things we teach our children. So why is it as adults that ‘sorry’ seems to be the hardest word – especially when we’ve wronged someone who matters to us.This week’s question was sent in to us by a reader who wondered why we often find it so hard to admit to others when we’ve done wrong and apologise.We all do things we regret or wish we could undo. We all know how tempting it can be to deny the harm we have done or shift blame to someone else.Working up the courage to make amends can sometimes feel really hard. Why is that? Why do we often find it really hard to apologise, especially to the people we love?Think about the last time someone wronged you. Did they apologise? Or did they say something else? Now think about the last time you wronged someone else. Did you apologise? Or did you jump to defend yourself?When we are accused of doing something bad, our first reaction might be denial – ‘It wasn’t me’, to come up with an excuse – an adult version of ‘the dog ate my homework’, or minimisation – ‘you’re over-reacting’, and self-pity.These reactions often have consequences, making things worse, not better.Rebecca says the first explanation for why we jump to defend ourselves when we’ve done something wrong is that we are ultimately social creatures.“We’ve learned that life works better when we interact with others, so if anything threatens our part in the group we will jump first to denial.“It’s instinct, a natural protection mechanism - Have I done something that is going to affect my sense of belonging in this group?“I need to defend against that.”Rebecca says we just need to be aware that this is a natural instinct. The more we are aware of that fact, the more we have the ability to override that initial instinct and choose whether that’s what we want to do, or whether there’s a better way.Apologies can be positive, Rebecca says.“Apologies allow us to admit we are human, that we have feelings and emotions and that sometimes we get it wrong.“It gives us the space not to have to constantly strive for perfection, and allows others to do the same.“In this way, saying ‘sorry' connects us.”Rebecca says it’s about vulnerability. Think about the last movie you watched. That big, tough character that never shows emotion, when they finally show a glimpse of vulnerability, do you notice a change in how you feel about them?“We often start to relate to the character at that point, and feel more connected to them and the challenges they are going through.“That’s exactly how it works in our own lives as well.So, next time you do something wrong, think about your reaction. Saying sorry can stop the snowball effect of all parties needing to protect themselves, potentially leading to bad feelings and unintended consequences.‘Sorry’ can be a great connector.Email Mary at [email protected] with any questions or topics you would like Rebecca to answer in future articles. We promise not to print your name; all questions will be anonymous – just like this one.Image Unsplash 

What do the things we own say about who we are? Why do we buy things we don’t need, and why can’t we let go? Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities. Why do we own things? And what do the things we own reveal about us? This week’s topic comes from a reader whose father recently passed away. They had an overwhelming feeling of not being able to part with anything that belonged to dad. It’s hard for many people to let go of things. That’s because the things we own can have deep meaning for us. 200 years ago, people owned a lot less stuff. It took a lot of time and skill to make household items. Then, with the industrial revolution came steam powered machinery; one person could produce many more items with mechanisation. With the exponential rise in productivity came an exponential rise in products, and the need for businesses to sell us more and more. So started the psychology of buying more and more things. Rebecca says we often regard our possessions as extensions of ourselves, things that say something about us. “Advertising certainly plays on that; it’s one of the reasons why we accumulate things and also why it can be hard to let go.” Comedian George Carlin once joked our houses are just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. Buying more is one thing, but sometimes we also find it hard to let go of things. It’s a double-edged sword - we accumulate. “Everyone holds on to things for different reasons; the important thing is not to judge ourselves, or others, for wanting to keep something. “Objects can hold meaning and personal connections; sometimes you feel like you don’t have permission to let go if it was a gift, or belonged to someone special. “It can feel like you’re being disloyal, or they expect you to keep it.” Sometimes, Rebecca says, it can be a worry that you might need it later or will regret parting with it. But a big reason for holding onto things can be a way of keeping memories alive. “Things can be very emotive, a way of triggering happy memories or a particular point of time in your life. “It’s also a way of trying to keep consistency – when things change and life is full of uncertainty, familiar objects tend to be a constant.” Think of what makes your home feel like home – you walk in, the things there are yours, familiar, chosen for your own reasons, reminding you of someone, or things that are just you. I look around me as Rebecca speaks. I see family photos, a TV we carefully saved for, a dining table with scratches made by our children when they were young, an old clock passed down through the generations. She’s right. I wouldn’t want to part with any of it, it’s what makes our home a home. “It’s your space, and that becomes even more important when a loved one isn’t there any more, or in this world with its ever-changing nature and busyness.” When we think of trying to get rid of things and decide what we do hold on to, it is yet another difficult decision among the many, many decisions we have to make in life. “It’s something else that takes up our emotional capacity, it can become a bit overwhelming, so it’s often easier to just put it on hold.” As Rebecca continues, I’m thinking of all the cardboard boxes in my shed. Things I should really sort, but haven’t. Things that used to belong to my Mum, things I’ll never use – but it was easier to pack them up than to get rid of them. “It’s trying to remember that your memories aren’t actually held in those objects. “If you do want to move forward, think about the things that are important to you, and why. Those are the things you want around you.” Sometimes taking a picture of something can be enough of a memory and help you let go, Rebecca suggests. “Also, think about the life that object is going to have for somebody else, it could become someone else’s treasure.” Rebecca says we might hold onto things for constancy, but to think of a time when you needed a fresh start. Maybe it was the end of a relationship, moving town, changing jobs. Letting go of the familiar and starting afresh might have been a big step at the time, but it also opened the door for new possibilities. Food for thought. Email Rowan at [email protected] with any questions or topics you would like Rebecca to answer in future articles. We promise not to print your name; all questions will be anonymous – just like this one.  Image Unsplash 

Why does uncertainty unsettle us so much? Why do we overthink about future events or things beyond our control? How do we deal with the anxiety uncertainty creates? Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities. What is it about uncertainty? How is it able to conjure up such feelings of anxiety? Rebecca explains that thoughts and feelings that often come with uncertainty including anger, sadness, disappointment, or fear, are normal.  She says, anxiety too, is normal and there is a view it is useless and something we “should get rid of”. Instead, these are all emotions which point to what we care about, and the goal should be to find the right balance. “Make space for them (emotions) rather than beating yourself up about having them or trying to get rid of them and they will pass,” Rebecca says.“It’s not about eliminating them.”Rebecca says a great place to start is to try and recognise triggers to our anxieties. She says some things exist because of previous experiences which were unpleasant or maybe traumatic, and our brain reminds us of that. “Times of uncertainty can lead to high levels of cortisol or fight/flight activation. The best way to regulate this is by slowing down breathing and breathing from diaphragm. “Anxiety also takes up more headspace so can reduce our capacity to deal with things - accept that might be the case right now and so what can you let go of to clear some more space?”Rebecca says the rabbit hole of anxiety is geared to problem solving - finding a way out - but that often leads to hypothetical situations that may or may not exist, or ever exist. “Our minds are set up to solve problems but not every problem can be solved,” she says. “There’s an absolute rabbit hole of looking for answers. You don’t have to solve or control everything and that’s okay.“Focus on what you can control and get a feeling of consistency in, even in small ways. This might be putting in place small routines which create that feeling of consistency. “Worrying about now rather than bringing in past and future worries can reduce overwhelm - what can I focus on at this moment?Connect with what is important to you - how do I want to come out the other side of this? With compassion, courage, humility?“What might be important to you are things like your friends and family. The people in your life.“Don’t focus on the false values, like being right, or having false confidence. “Everything can come down to effectiveness - instead of worry, ask yourself ‘is this thing helping me?’”“If not, let it go.” Rebecca suggests what is helpful is having someone to listen to you, such as friends or family.  “They don’t even need to say anything,” she says. “It just helps to put it out there, which helps to validate what you are feeling. “Sometimes we all need some professional help at some point, and always talk to your doctor if whatever you are dealing with is impacting on your health.”

Melodies, harmonies, rock, country, easy listening – different music appeals to different people. We explore why it’s good for us to share.Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers your questions as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities.Music can be a great way to communicate and express how we’re feeling. One of the nationwide challenges for this year’s Mental Health Awareness week is to build a shared Spotify playlist.We are being encouraged to listen to the music that makes others feel good – it might do the same for us. We can also add our own waiata. Songs we love to work out to, that give our spirits a lift, soothe our mind, or simply to add the whānau favourite.Music is incredibly powerful, Rebecca says. We know it can do lots of things – advertisers use it, supermarkets use it to influence our buying behaviour.“There have been studies showing how music influences how much we eat.“People tend to eat less food in restaurants with soft music and low lighting.”What all the different studies do show is that music can influence our behaviour – something we know intuitively.“We intuitively use music as a pick me up, it can remind us of happy memories or a special person.“The thing I like is that music can open up our emotions.”“Music can transport us into the past, or it can help us focus and bring us back to the present moment.“When we’re feeling a certain way, happy, sad, missing someone, we often listen to that style of music.”Rebecca says the question asked this week is interesting, because music can in fact connect us.It connects us to other people – think of how often you might hear ‘That’s our song’ or ‘That’s the song we played at our wedding’.“Inviting people to share their favourite waiata during Mental Health Awareness Week is a way of carrying through a shared history, as songs get passed down and passed on.“It is also about the sharing of cultures - think of how mothers sing to their babies, how music and singing occurs at celebrations across cultures.“If you think about it, the whole challenge of Mental Health Awareness Week is how we can connect with each other, how we kōrero in different ways.It may even be that it stimulates a discussion between work mates about what music you like, or you start to listen to new music because someone else talked about it: ‘Have you listened to this?’, ‘Have you heard this?’“Listening to a new song can have no appeal, or it can stop us in our tracks.”Listening to new music, it seems, is also good for our brains.“The science shows it takes a lot of your brain to process music, and if we listen to new music it challenges your brain and starts to build new neural connections.“You can really get to know someone through talking about and listening to the music they enjoy.”And it might just open up a new world of music for you.Email Mary at [email protected] with any questions or topics you would like Rebecca to answer in future articles. We promise not to print your name; all questions will be anonymous – just like this one.Image credit: Mary Hinsen

There’s a strong case for prioritising humour in our lives – we take a look at why we don’t laugh more and what we can do about it.Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities. This week: why don’t we laugh more?The average 4-year-old child laughs 300 times every day. The average 40 year old? Only four.In 1979, Norman Cousins, who suffered from inflammatory arthritis, famously claimed in his book Anatomy of an Illness that ten minutes of hearty laughter while watching Marx Brothers movies reduced his pain enough to buy him two hours of pain-free sleep.Since then, research has proven that laughter reduces our levels of stress hormones, and increases health-enhancing hormones such as endorphins, increases our infection-fighting antibodies and improves blood flow to the heart – all resulting in greater relaxation, resistance to disease and improved mood.What’s happened to us? How can we inject more laughter into our lives, even during difficult times?There’s often a shift in our humour around the time we enter the workforce. It’s even been given a name: the ‘humour cliff.’ Sounds ominous and decidedly un-funny, right? As we get older, many of us laugh and smile less.  I’m not saying we all stop being the stand-up comedians we thought we were in our youth, but we do begin to suppress basic expressions of joy, all in the name of being a Serious Adult.Rebecca says we often don’t laugh because we feel self-conscious, we’re worrying about what other people think, or we’ve got worries on our mind.“Psychologically, to be able to laugh, there is an element of being able to let go and turn off our nervous system’s response to stress.“That’s why laughter is so useful, but also why it can be so hard.”Here’s the good news: you can reclaim that childlike sense of humour she says. Here’s where to start:Laughter begets laughter. Rebecca encourages us to ‘fake it till we make it’.“Laughter yoga is a good example; it’s like a kind of acting class, laughter feels forced at first, but then it all just becomes funny and you can’t help it - uncontrollable laughter just starts to happen.“Developing a playfulness, silliness, not taking ourselves so seriously for a while, that’s what helps us bring laughter back into our lives.”Find the funny in your everyday life.  Life is absurd, and observing the idiosyncrasies of your own life truly is the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to humour. Start by finding ways to laugh at yourself, Rebecca says. Do things that are a bit off the wall, crack yourself up, and let that ‘laughter energy’ work its contagious magic.When I was wrestling with a life-threatening medical drama, I found myself making jokes.Not the ‘guy-walks-into-a-bar’ kind of joke, and definitely not the ‘Dad jokes’ my husband makes. I started to make observational, ‘Isn’t that funny!’ wise-cracks.My family put it down to me deflecting the pain of the situation. Perhaps that’s true. I cried and I laughed – felt deeply, yet managed to find the funny side of my life at the same time. I guess that’s what Rebecca means.Use humour as a tactic. We are more likely to be persuaded by people we like, and we tend to like people who make us smile and laugh. So, go on, smile and laugh.Use humour to connect. Bonding with someone isn’t just the result of sharing serious thoughts and feelings. When we share laughter, we also open the door to real connection. Plus, appropriate humour can really break the ice.Rebecca says shared experiences link people.“Something happens and from then on, all people need to do is look at each other, they remember and burst out laughing.”Embrace laughter for health. Laughter releases endorphins, soothes tension, relieves stress, improves mood, and enhances your coping skills. Phew! All that from laughing. Rebecca’s prescription is to challenge yourself to watch or read something silly or have a fun(ny) conversation every day.Encourage your children to be as funny as they are studious. Parents desire healthy, smart children. We don’t tend to say, “I want a kid with a great sense of humour!” Let’s change that. Model a life of laughter, tell funny stories, and use humour to break tense moments. Cultivating a sense of humour makes the world (and your household) a happier place.Spread humour. Have a friend who is suffering? Act counterintuitively and invite them to do something silly with you or send them something funny to read or watch. We too often feel there’s nothing we can do to help when someone is suffering. Spreading humour in serious times is a free service available to everyone. Challenge yourself to give that gift as often as possible. Trust me, it will make them feel supported, far beyond that fleeting chuckle.Rebecca says to experiment, find what makes you laugh. Start a family tradition like bringing a joke to the dinner table, laugh at a child’s antics, watch a funny movie with someone - the possibilities are endless.How would you feel if you laughed like a 5-year-old today, and tomorrow, and the next? What would we all feel like? What would the world be like if laughter became, once again, our natural state?Email Mary at [email protected] with any questions or topics you would like Rebecca to answer in future articles. We promise not to print your name; all questions will be anonymous – just like this one.Image Unsplash 

I got phubbed this week, and to my surprise I found there’s a growing body of research around the phenomenon.Simply Central is a home and lifestyle series for your Sundays. We take a look at what’s hot, what’s not, and everything lifestyle.It’s a memorable expression. Phubbing has become so common, it has made its way into the dictionary alongside other newly relevant social terms like selfie, photobombing and FOMO (fear of missing out). Phubbing was first coined as a term in May 2012. An Australian advertising agency created the word to describe the growing phenomenon of people ignoring their friends and family who were right in front of them, instead scrolling through their phones. Phone snubbing.While the word might not be in your daily vocabulary, the action likely is. One study found that more than 17 percent of people phub others at least four times a day. Almost 32 percent of people report being phubbed two to three times a day.As research grows, two other terms have also emerged: Friend phubbing, or Fphubbing, is the act of using your smartphone while interacting with your friends.  Partner phubbing, or Pphubbing, describes an individual who is distracted by his or her cell phone while in the company of a relationship partner.Are you a phubber, a Fphubber of a Pphubber? Have you been phubbed?While the behaviour might not seem like a big deal, research suggests phubbing may be hurting your relationships and your own mental health. Phubbing interrupts your ability to be present and engage with the people around you.And when somebody else phubs you, you can feel rejected, excluded and not important. That can have a significant impact on your mental health.People who are phubbed are also more likely to reach for their own phones and try to engage with their social media network to fill the void. It becomes a vicious cycle.Scientists found several factors that lead to problematic smartphone use, including certain personality traits and psychological stress.According to data gathered from 472 people, mainly students, those who are the most depressed, socially anxious or neurotic are the most likely to phub.Some people use their smartphones intentionally to avoid or ignore others around them.  Others might use phubbing as an efficient means for time management. If you’re feeling uncertain about yourself or you’re in a high anxiety mode, you might be looking for support from a community and that’s where the phone comes in.There is also some degree of FOMO involved. If you are turning to a community for support, digital social connections can become more important than in-person friendships, so you want to stay on top of them.Whatever the reason for phubbing, the behaviour can end up making face-to-face interactions less meaningful, resulting in lower quality conversation and feelings of dissatisfaction.The research also noted that phubbing impacts both the people who phub and those who are phubbed.Scientists say we don’t yet know the long-term repercussions of phubbing, but all agree it does appear to harm our relationships - whether partner relationships, relationships with children, family or friends. Are you a phubber?The number one sign that you are guilty of being a phubber is in your hand - your phone. If your phone is with you at all times because you’re afraid you’ll miss a call or a status update, you’re quite likely to be guilty of phubbing.Do you carry on two conversations at once - on the phone and in person?Do you have your phone out at dinner or in other social settings?Can you get through a meal without checking your phone?You may need to make meals a no-phone zone. Yes, we all need our phones to scan and sign in, but then leave your phone in your pocket or bag. Put it on silent, and turn off that vibrating alert. Whatever alerts or updates happen, they’ll still be waiting for you when you get home.Make ignoring your phone a challenge. Set a goal, and when you’ve completed that goal, treat yourself, then challenge yourself again.If you want to stop someone else phubbing you, model good behaviour, and call them out.You don’t have to stop using your phone to stop phubbing. You just have to be more aware. Your mental health and your relationships will thank you for it.Journal references: Behaviour & Information Technology, DOI: 10.1080/0144929X.2021.1943711Science Direct, doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2015.07.058Journal of Applied Social Psychology, doi.org/10.1111/jasp.12506Image credit: Mikel Parera on Unsplash