There’s a strong case for prioritising humour in our lives – we take a look at why we don’t laugh more and what we can do about it.

Dr Rebecca Scheibmair is a practicing clinical psychologist here in Central Otago. She answers questions sent in by our readers as we explore topics and issues affecting us and our communities. This week: why don’t we laugh more?

The average 4-year-old child laughs 300 times every day. The average 40 year old? Only four.

In 1979, Norman Cousins, who suffered from inflammatory arthritis, famously claimed in his book Anatomy of an Illness that ten minutes of hearty laughter while watching Marx Brothers movies reduced his pain enough to buy him two hours of pain-free sleep.

Since then, research has proven that laughter reduces our levels of stress hormones, and increases health-enhancing hormones such as endorphins, increases our infection-fighting antibodies and improves blood flow to the heart – all resulting in greater relaxation, resistance to disease and improved mood.

What’s happened to us? How can we inject more laughter into our lives, even during difficult times?

There’s often a shift in our humour around the time we enter the workforce. It’s even been given a name: the ‘humour cliff.’ Sounds ominous and decidedly un-funny, right? 

As we get older, many of us laugh and smile less.  I’m not saying we all stop being the stand-up comedians we thought we were in our youth, but we do begin to suppress basic expressions of joy, all in the name of being a Serious Adult.

Rebecca says we often don’t laugh because we feel self-conscious, we’re worrying about what other people think, or we’ve got worries on our mind.

“Psychologically, to be able to laugh, there is an element of being able to let go and turn off our nervous system’s response to stress.

“That’s why laughter is so useful, but also why it can be so hard.”

Here’s the good news: you can reclaim that childlike sense of humour she says. Here’s where to start:

Laughter begets laughter. Rebecca encourages us to ‘fake it till we make it’.

“Laughter yoga is a good example; it’s like a kind of acting class, laughter feels forced at first, but then it all just becomes funny and you can’t help it - uncontrollable laughter just starts to happen.

“Developing a playfulness, silliness, not taking ourselves so seriously for a while, that’s what helps us bring laughter back into our lives.”

Find the funny in your everyday life.  Life is absurd, and observing the idiosyncrasies of your own life truly is the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to humour. Start by finding ways to laugh at yourself, Rebecca says. Do things that are a bit off the wall, crack yourself up, and let that ‘laughter energy’ work its contagious magic.

When I was wrestling with a life-threatening medical drama, I found myself making jokes.

Not the ‘guy-walks-into-a-bar’ kind of joke, and definitely not the ‘Dad jokes’ my husband makes. I started to make observational, ‘Isn’t that funny!’ wise-cracks.

My family put it down to me deflecting the pain of the situation. Perhaps that’s true. I cried and I laughed – felt deeply, yet managed to find the funny side of my life at the same time. I guess that’s what Rebecca means.

Use humour as a tactic. We are more likely to be persuaded by people we like, and we tend to like people who make us smile and laugh. So, go on, smile and laugh.

Use humour to connect. Bonding with someone isn’t just the result of sharing serious thoughts and feelings. When we share laughter, we also open the door to real connection. Plus, appropriate humour can really break the ice.

Rebecca says shared experiences link people.

“Something happens and from then on, all people need to do is look at each other, they remember and burst out laughing.”

Embrace laughter for health. Laughter releases endorphins, soothes tension, relieves stress, improves mood, and enhances your coping skills. Phew! All that from laughing. Rebecca’s prescription is to challenge yourself to watch or read something silly or have a fun(ny) conversation every day.

Encourage your children to be as funny as they are studious. Parents desire healthy, smart children. We don’t tend to say, “I want a kid with a great sense of humour!” Let’s change that. Model a life of laughter, tell funny stories, and use humour to break tense moments. Cultivating a sense of humour makes the world (and your household) a happier place.

Spread humour. Have a friend who is suffering? Act counterintuitively and invite them to do something silly with you or send them something funny to read or watch. We too often feel there’s nothing we can do to help when someone is suffering. Spreading humour in serious times is a free service available to everyone. Challenge yourself to give that gift as often as possible. Trust me, it will make them feel supported, far beyond that fleeting chuckle.

Rebecca says to experiment, find what makes you laugh. Start a family tradition like bringing a joke to the dinner table, laugh at a child’s antics, watch a funny movie with someone - the possibilities are endless.

How would you feel if you laughed like a 5-year-old today, and tomorrow, and the next? 

What would we all feel like? What would the world be like if laughter became, once again, our natural state?

Email Mary at [email protected] with any questions or topics you would like Rebecca to answer in future articles. We promise not to print your name; all questions will be anonymous – just like this one.

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