In my most recent column for The Central App, I pontificated about not making New Year’s resolutions.

I do stand by that, but I have also decided, not because it is a new year but more related to the shocking realisation I could soon be described as “late-50’s” rather than “mid-50’s”, to eat more healthily.

I have also become, again possibly something to do with getting older, quite a passionate veggie gardener.

Tying all this together is what led me to trying to make my first ever vegetarian recipe (beans on toast doesn’t count) this week, and what a treat that was!

The Listener had a lovely filo/cauliflower cheese recipe in it, and I had possibly one of the most perfect caulis ever grown by man waiting for such a heightened fate sitting in my garden. I could be slightly biased, but this was a beauty, a King of Caulis, a Baron of Brassicas…..anyway…..

I told Linda to prepare herself for a treat! That was probably my first mistake.

Now, can I just say here for the record that filo is a proper pain in the backside to prepare. Does the end result really justify the effort of brushing each sheet with butter, especially when each sheet seems hell-bent on flipping, folding and generally misbehaving?

After many comments that no steak had ever caused me this much frustration, the pie was in the oven. And there it remained, for a lot longer that the recipe said it should. I took the surrounding springform dish from around it after half an hour, leaving 20 minutes cooking time supposedly. After 60 minutes, the filo wasn’t browning at all, but the language from a now very hungry wife was turning blue.

As is often the case, when I dished up, the pie looked nothing like the picture in the magazine, but ah well, its bound to taste just as good, right? Wrong. The conversation then went like this:

Linda: the outside layer tastes like paper!

Tim: don’t be ridiculous

Linda: seriously, it does!

Tim: you know filo is Latin for paper, right?

(Tim has first mouthful, consults recipe, remembers lining pie dish with baking paper, remembers failing to remove said baking paper when taking springform dish off).

Tim: um, maybe give the outside layer a miss love…….

Linda: #£,}*%¥€!!!!!

I’m not sure what the moral of the story is but in future I’m going to try to make sure the only meal I dish up wrapped in paper comes from the fish and chip shop. Much healthier that way.

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