There are no stereotypes when it comes to family harm, it could happen to any of us at any time according to a local woman who supports impacted people and families.

Family violence interagency response system (FVIARS) co-ordinator Toni Velenski said something small could build up to be something bigger.

“[Usually] it is triggered by something such as no accommodation, financial stress, mental health, addictions to alcohol and drugs . . . even the summer season and drinking,’’ Toni said.

“On average there are 12 new family harm episodes a week in Central Lakes.

“Around New Zealand, it is shocking. There are 150,000 family harm [episodes] annually.

“Of these 75 per cent have children who have been there . . . every four minutes the police respond to family harm.”

Toni said only approximately 16 per cent of family harm was reported and her main aim was the reduction of it in Central Lakes.

Toni Velenski has been in her family harm response co-ordination role for the past eight months. PHOTO: Presbyterian Support Otago 

Family harm covered financial, psychological and physical abuse, where there was a close personal relationship between people such as carer, spouse, ex partner, flatmates, or wife.

“It could be a family harm report that comes through a neighbour worried about [an argument escalating] … to a breach of a protection order, an arrest and a high level of police intervention.”

Toni meets with key agencies each week to discuss police reports and then a collective community response was planned to support families, provided they consent to receiving help.

Information shared within the group is discussed sensitively, within relevant legislation and the needs of whānau are most important. 

White Ribbon Day - an international day when people wear a white ribbon to end family violence - is on Monday.

Toni has organised a white ribbon breakfast in Central for Monday to upskill local businesses and agencies to be able to help and start conversations, as well as understand the pathways of support available.

“It could be your neighbour or a workmate who is going through it. 

“We shouldn’t think it won't happen in our community, it does and it is.”

Two guest speakers will share their experiences at the breakfast, Constable Garry Milford who is the police family violence prevention coordinator and ambassador for White Ribbon Keith Turner. 

Keith and his wife of 34 years Kathy have been involved with the White Ribbon Ride for four years.  

He was a perpetrator in the first three years of his first marriage of seven years, and Kathy was a victim of physical and mental abuse for most of her first marriage of five years.

Toni hoped that openly talking about family harm could help others make changes or access support.

“Family harm has a huge community cost . . . a huge economic cost, and a social cost, if people are not at work. Then there are the health effects . . . it is a bit like having an illness, the grief involved.”

No one liked to have conversations about family harm, Toni said.

“People don’t ask [about family harm] because they don't know how to deal with it.

“It’s [about] making sure you’re not putting yourself at risk.

Toni said it was okay to reach out for help and there were free useful resources on websites Are You OK and ‘Love Better’

If you, or someone you know is at risk in an emergency situation call 111. 

If you are a victim of family violence or in a relationship that makes you fearful about your own or anyone else's safety, seek help as soon as possible. 

Helplines:

Women’s Refuge crisis line 0800733 843 (24 hours a day)

Elder Abuse helpline 0800 32 668 65 (24 hours a day)

Victim Support 0800 842 846 (24 hours a day)

Shakti for migrant and refugee women 0800 742 584 (24 hours a day)

Family violence information line 0800 456 450

Central Lakes Family Services 0508 440 255

Family Works Otago 0508 396 678    

For information see the White Ribbon website

Have a story to share?

Contact [email protected]