What does it really mean to take care of yourself? Hint: it’s not all about massages and green smoothies.

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Real self-care isn’t always what you think it is, or what the clever marketers tell you that you should think it is.

Real self-care isn’t all about escaping and relaxing. Real self-care will pay off in the long-run, but it might mean that in the present, real self-care is a hard thing to do.

Real self-care is choosing to create a life that you don’t feel the need to regularly check out of.

Self-care may mean doing things you initially don’t want to do, and making the choice to do what’s uncomfortable.

Self-care may also be about allowing yourself to be normal, to be you, instead of always pushing to be someone else’s idea of perfect.

Taking care of yourself might look like making a plan to pay off debt – and sticking to it. It might look like cooking healthy meals, or completing a challenging morning routine.

Taking care of yourself is about facing your problems and unresolved issues head-on, instead of avoiding them and having to distract yourself from them later. Self-care means setting boundaries with tough people, saying no when you don’t want to do something, pushing through a tough workout.

Taking care of yourself means compassionately accepting yourself for who you are, instead of burning yourself out or beating yourself up trying to please everyone all the time.

It’s living your life in a way that doesn’t leave you needing to check out or take a break just so you can relax in the bath, read a book or enjoy five minutes with a coffee or tea.

Consumer-based self-care is very popular. It hits us everywhere – you can’t escape from the latest big thing. However, a world we need to escape from in the name of self-care is a world that might be better with a change of perspective.

Self-care isn’t something we should be doing just because we’re so burnt out that we need time out from our life pressures.

Psychologists tell us the self-care we should be focusing on means accepting our personal disappointments, then deciding to re-strategise them. It’s not about giving into your immediate urges if that means giving up on a long-term goal.

It’s about forgiving, letting go, and accepting what you can’t change.

Self-care can sometimes be about putting your life aside to care for someone in need, and other times about putting yourself first above someone who drains you.

Ultimately, real self-care is about living a life you choose, not one you sleep-walk through.

In a recent article in Psychology Today, psychologist Dr Ilene Strauss-Cohen says true self-care is about knowing yourself and how you operate, so you can decide what changes are the right ones to make in your life.

If you constantly feel like you need a break, she says, it may be because you’re disconnected from living a life that includes you in it.

Real self-care isn’t so much about having to constantly treat yourself; it is more about taking actions for your personal growth and development, aiming to choose what’s better for your wellness in the long run.

“When you take care of yourself, you become the author, not the victim, in your life.

“It’s not about creating a life that looks good on paper, but one that fits well with who you are.

“It’s choosing to no longer make decisions based on what will ease your immediate anxiety, but instead based on what will be good for you tomorrow or the next day.

“It’s not looking to others to meet your needs; it’s meeting your own needs.

“Self-care is living a life that is meaningful and being true to yourself. It’s knowing that massages and green smoothies are great ways to enjoy life – not escape from it.”

Feeling in need of some real self-care? Check out our HealthlWellbeing resources and know we are building this section to bring you more tips and techniques for self-care.

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