Movember has probably become one of the most important campaigns for men’s health in recent memory. 

Movember began focusing more on prostate cancer but it has quickly taken on the fight promoting men’s mental health. 

The subject is one close to my heart, having witnessed and experienced depression and anxiety. 

The archetypal ‘man’ isn’t often seen as being sensitive or ‘gentle’ when it comes to feelings, instead, boys are taught to grow up and be ‘strong’ and somewhat borderline aggressive. 

They were not taught to sit with feelings which make them feel vulnerable, as these were often seen as ‘weak’. 

I can’t recall a single time I was taught any mechanisms to deal with mental health issues while I was growing up. It simply wasn’t talked about. 

While I think some things have changed and younger generations are slowly being taught more about emotions and the emotional intelligence of recognising and acting on feelings, many of us had to learn the hard way. 

One in eight New Zealand men will experience serious depression during their lifetime. 

Depression is more than a low mood. It is a serious illness that can need clinical treatment. 

Those with depression find it hard to function and it can have a serious effect on a person’s physical and mental health. 

There is a growing understanding that although mental health issues can be triggered by stresses in daily life, they are clinical diseases that often require outside help and medical treatment. 

Many men will experience depression at some point in their lives. Sadly, many will never talk about it. Photo Pixabay. 

I’ve dealt with depression at various stages in my life. The latest bout is what spurred me to turn my back on a more ‘serious’ career and break things down to a simpler life. 

The one in eight number, I think, is a low estimate, as my frank and honest conversations with men throughout my life and in Central Otago point to a much higher proportion. 

Men are still too afraid of letting their guard down and letting their feelings be known. 

While some men are more than eager to let their anger out, at the pub or on the rugby field (neither of which should be okay), they still find it hard to let any sadness out. 

I bet if they did recognise and release their sadness, they often wouldn’t feel the need to let any anger out. 

Shockingly, in New Zealand the suicide rate for men is three times that of women. 

Many men aren’t able to navigate their way through the darkness and many often struggle to ask for help. 

Globally, a man takes his own life every minute. 

While there are many factors which impact mental health, I believe men need to look out for one-another more. 

Far too often I see men belittling men. A constant jostling for position in the shark tank. 

One of the things which has struck me in our society, is the way men ‘rough’ each other up by putting one-another down in a mocking way. This happens often between the best of friends. 

That ‘playful banter’ is in fact prodding, teasing, and shaming. That shame erodes a person’s sense of self-worth. 

Think about the way blokes poke fun at one-another constantly, whether it’s at the pub, the rugby, or at work. 

This constant prodding means men find it difficult to let their guard down or every show any vulnerability for fear it will be exploited. 

I’ve made it my mission in life to never engage in that kind of thing, and instead call it out, because I have seen how it can slowly and thoroughly it destroys a person. 

If you become aware of any individual degrading another, then show moral courage and take a stand against it. 

Retired Australian former chief of Army Lieutenant General David Morrison said it best when he was trying to address systemic sexism, bullying and deplorable behaviour in the Australian Defence Force. 

“The standard you walk past is the standard you accept,” he said. 

Retired Australian former chief of Army Lieutenant General David Morrison. 

It amazes me to think men have been raised to be aggressive, or tough, but never taught to be courageous. 

That is, courage to stand up for what is right, and courage to identify and learn to manage stress and emotions. 

Courage to be vulnerable. Courage to recognise problems and solve them in a healthy way. 

Courage to learn empathy. 

If you are a bloke, talk kindly to one another, don’t engage in shaming your mate. You don’t know what they are going through in their life. 

If you are family or a loved one of a bloke you care about, simply keep loving them and ask them if they are okay. 

They might say they are ‘fine’, but underneath they could be cracking. Keep at it and they will let you in. 

Don’t walk past your mate. We are all in this together. 

For more information or to talk to someone about any difficulties that you or someone close to you might be having in their life, please contact:

• LIFELINE on 0800 543 354 or at www.lifeline.co.nz.

Visit the Central App’s Mental Wellbeing button

Factors which can contribute to depression in men:

• Physical health problems
• Relationship problems
• Family problems
• Employment problems
• Drug and alcohol consumption
• Social isolation
• Significant change in living arrangements (e.g. separation or divorce).

There are many things you can do that can help protect you from getting depressed. These include:

• Staying fit and healthy
• Reducing alcohol use
• Getting enough sleep
• Having balance in your life – identifying and managing stress
• Spending time with people you like and trust and doing things you usually enjoy
• Developing skills like problem-solving and communication
• Visit www.thelowdown.co.nz if you’re under 20
• or www.depression.org.nz for more information.

If you or someone you know is in a life threatening situation, call 111

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