Everyone knows someone who's been ghosted online right? It’s like all care and no responsibility. You wouldn’t find this happening in real life. Somebody asks you out for dinner and then just doesn’t show up. Never.  

But online YES. Many times. Just recently I met a guy from Geraldine who was some kind of doctor. We never did get far enough into our conversation for me to determine what kind of doctor he was.

It could well have been livestock as he said he worked in the rural sector. We chatted for a week or so. Pleasantries mostly. I looked forward to his cheerful daily check-ins.

Then one day I just put it out there. “So, how exactly do two people hundreds of kilometres away from each other actually meet?”

Boom he was gone. Off the dating website altogether. Disappeared. No more profile nothing. Okay…. then. ahhh What just happened?

Nevermind, my inbox is already filling up with new potential. This is what I mean. Small disappointments but then within a few hours you could have two fresh new messages from new people. Too much choice. Easy just to walk away when you get bored and connect with someone else.   

There once was a guy from Milton who invited me for dinner. He lived with his mother. No judgement but it just didn’t float my boat so I too just disappeared. Dropped off the face of the earth. I wonder if he’s still waiting for my answer. Online dating can be a cruel world.  

When I first started online dating many years ago, I met some lovely guys - some turned out to be friends I still occasionally have coffee with. There were a few hookups even, but sadly nobody I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

There have also been many many lessons along the way, including situations that could’ve turned ugly. We’re going to share one of those, because the aim of our column, as well as being entertainment, is to help those of you new to the world of online dating, not make the

same mistakes I did.

The engineer lived in a different town about 30 minutes from me and we instantly clicked online. He had a great job working as a contractor on Southern ski fields, and seemed like a reasonable guy. 

He’d never been married and had no children, and I agreed to meet him in a bar on a Friday night after work - and we both hit it off.

No red flags at this point, except perhaps excessive compliments…. This man had all the charm in the world. 

 “You look so much better in person, I can’t believe my luck, meeting someone like you,” he said.

We agreed to have dinner the following weekend, and again got on well, instantly feeling comfortable around each other.

This is where things get tricky. I had very small children at home and while it made sense to keep seeing the engineer on my weekends away from them, I wanted to keep the momentum going in the new relationship, and so invited him over to my house the next weekend for pizza and a movie. 

The kids would be in bed asleep upstairs so I felt safe that he wouldn’t try anything dodgy and assumed he would respect the ‘family space’ I was inviting him into.

The movie started and we were snuggled up on the couch - but the engineer had no interest in that at all. He was more interested in breathing heavily in my ear and making suggestive comments.

I noticed that he was also onto his third beer and was about to crack open another one, when I used the opportunity to jump up off the couch and put the jug on. “You’ll be wanting a cup of tea before you drive home later,” I suggested - playing a good responsible host.

“Going home later?” he queried.

“Ah yep, like after the movie,” I said.

“Oh, I’m not planning on going anywhere,” The engineer said. By this stage I was starting to get extremely nervous. 

Who did he think he was? And why did he assume that he was staying the night?

Sitting down on the couch to discuss it further, he proceeded to walk around behind me and started to massage my shoulders. Now totally creeped out, I walked over to the door and said that the night now needed to come to an end.

But the engineer wasn’t giving up that easily and lunged at me with a big smacker on the lips. I quickly opened the door and literally pushed him out, locking it quickly behind me.

“Goodbye,” I said. “And good riddance.”  

Moral of the story? Be careful who you invite into your home - the third date might be just a bit too soon. Especially if the guy turns out to be a stalker and gets aggressive and now knows exactly where you live. Fortunately that didn’t happen in this case, but it’s best to do all of

your dating away from your home environment until you really get to know someone and can trust them.

And make sure to tell your friends where you are going if it’s somewhere private with a date - so they can check in with you and make sure you’re okay.

NEXT MONTH: Daisy talks about men who don’t want to meet but just want to chat online for hours, days, weeks and even months….. emotional time wasters.